A while back I had the privilege of watching the movie Shooter at the Cavendish movies(Where NEVILLE works) I usually only get excited like this for movies where Will Ferrell is starring…or Jenna Jameson. I walked out of Shooter and proclaimed that Mark Wahlberg is Hollywoods toughest action hero ever. I was so excited about the film that many nights of sleep were lost and I often cried thinking of how cool it would be if I knew him. Or even better, if he was my father. I have a Dutch passport so I can also say “Faja” instead of the English “Father” Anyway, time went by and I kept checking in at the video store to see if Shooter was in.

Then one day I walked in and saw it. It sat like a little piece of gold amongst the other inferior movies. I gave pumpkin tits at the counter my code and my cash and in return she presented me with a crispy new copy of Shooter. I cruised home, clutching it like you would your newborn child, gently tipped it into the DVD player and sat down by myself. I poured myself a little tipple, and braced myself for the time of my life. It’s not often that you get to sit down by yourself and have the time of your life. It was just me, Shooter and Absolut. Rarely does this happen. The last time I did this, technically on my own, was with the dogs and peanut butter…

Absolut Shooter

So let’s get serious here now for a second. I became completely obsessed with laying my hands on a copy of Shooter. I didn’t want to rent a copy, I wanted to own one, to have at my disposal at ALL times. I actually wanted to get two copies so I could eat one. I searched high…I searched low…I drank by myself…I went running by myself…I went to the beach by myself…and yet still no Shooter.

Until one morning I was sitting at my computer, typing out vast kegs of information when a call came through from one of my closest Entourage members. After a light early morning business chat, he mentioned that he was ordering Shooter on Kalahari.net. Immediately I said “Order two, I will give you the cash” It made sense, seeing as though I see him nearly every day. The order went through and eventually it arrived. However, there was a period of about two weeks where I never saw him.

Last week Monday I got a call saying “I will be in Pinelands at 6pm, I will call you and give you directions” Sweet! The call came through and I was directed through Pinelands, and was ordered to go right down Forest Drive to the end where the Old Mutual building is. At the robots before the very end ones, I had to take a right turn, and go right to the end where he was waiting at a big building.

The vibe I was feeling was quite strange as he was wearing a suit, and a bow tie and all that other rubbish. Not wanting to enquire, I acted all nonchalant. However, deep down inside, I felt like I was here as the fall guy. The guy who takes one for the team, and is killed for some sort of cult ritual. I did not know why he was in Pinelands, on his own, wearing a suit.

Eventually I could not take it anymore and asked “Why you looking so smart?” To which he replied “You know the Masons?”

Sweet Lord, not really. Why? What? When? Where? Who? “The Freemasons?” I eventually blurted out.

“Yeah, I’m one”

Ok, Sean, keep your composure, you will not die today! You will die at 100 years old in the Bahamas, sipping a cocktail while a naked beach waitress massages your very ripped body. I had heard of the Freemasons, but never really too intrigued, I never found out more about them.

The site of the “drop”

I then said, nervously “Ok I need to go now, check you in the week” Looking around I noticed a lot of old people going into the hall, and wondered what the HELL was going on! I got in the VR3 and floored it, wanting to get to the safety of an area that I know better.

As soon as I got home, I Wikepediad FREEMASONS I read through all the information, but I’m still not sure what angle they are going for. Luckily, I think there are no ritualistic killings of friends coming to pick up copies of Shooter, and so I was never in any danger whatsoever.

Once again, I got home, by myself, poured a tipple and slammed Shooter into the DVD player. Once again I felt at ease, like the planets were perfectly aligned and I had once again survived a day in this playground I call Cape Town.

Cape Town life is excessive, but I’m loving it. Thank you Shooter. Thank you Absolut. Thank you Kaap Stad.
It’s go time!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

It seems the addition of the co-anchor yesterday was quite popular and I’m sure I will feature her more often. Not too often though, I still want the number one spot at SLXS. Greed drives me to write all these articles. I want all the praise for myself. I want to be like Tom Cruise, a supreme being. Or Gary Busey.

Jokes! We will feature her more often if that’s what you want…

Anyway, I find myself going on a mission to the Freemason centre in Pinelands for a photo opportunity. I just need to recruit an Entourage member, going to give V a phone call, he is always up for this crazy stuff. I’m also going to take photos at Howard Centre in Pinelands, and in particular of the old people theme going down in Pinelands.

I will be back in a couple of hours to write two new pieces, one with a strong relation to Pinelands, and the other with a not so strong relation to Pinelands, but rather to The Shooter. I wouldn’t expect me to write a Bible worth of information today for the website, but I’m sure the rest of the week is going to be an absolute blinder.

And to the person who e-mailed about the JC Le Roux, do you really want me to hand deliver you a bottle? I’m not the Salvation Army, but I do come close. E-mail me again and I might just have to hand deliver a bottle with the help of Charlie V. I leave the rest up to you, impress me.

I’m out, bang boom bang.

And remember while I’m gone…keep cool my babies…I’m not gone forever. I’m not here to neglect you like Britney Spears. Oooooh…that’s taking it low.

Hush…

Sean Lloyd

Editor

You might recall me getting a Parker pen delivered to my door the other day, and I had no idea who it was from. It seems GQ( My competitors…ha ha joking! Calm down…) sent it to me for some competition I entered. All I did was send an sms, which probably cost me R2.

That sms made me a good R998, because I have just been informed that the pen is worth R1000. One thousand South African rands. It’s not bad going. Up until now I thought the pen was maybe worth R200 and I have been dropping it, putting it in my mouth and generally not caring for it. Now that I know it’s true worth I hardly want to use it.

It’s a nice addition to my current collection of stuff that is wildly excessive, and the gold on the pen accentuates the gold on the Meharee timepiece that is currently in use.

It’s all so crazy at the moment.

What is the time? I need to be at Newlands at 13:45 because apparently the Springboks are going to be there. The “Springboks” , to those of you who are unaware, are those guys who lifted another piece of gold, in the form of William Webb Ellis’ gold plated drinking goblet, out of which he used to get absolutely debauched. That was until Madiba took it away for his drinking pleasure. Currently John Smit owns this Goblet, and he can use it to drink his favourite Port out of it. Naturally Percy Montgomery will be forced to do a beer funnel out of it for scoring so many points in the World Cup. Of Wereld Beker, mense van Stellen- BOSHHHH af. Have you noticed how Afrikaans people emphasise the “Bosh” in Stellenbosch. They say it with the long, drawn out “Shhhhhhhhh” Hilarious.

While we are mentioning GQ magazine, I will have you know that I always have, and always will buy GQ. It’s got some good stuff in it. But every now and then they blind us with some HIDEOUS stuff. Biker pants in stretch satin a few years ago were one of my highlights, and I actually sent them a letter telling them that those are not the sort of clothes that guys wear. Funny this…the letter actually got published, and the editor even left a little reply after my letter. Good times.

Anyway, their latest blinder was in the March 2007 issue, page 123. Entitled “Hair today…” You get it? Like “Here today…” Usually finished off in classic magazine style with “Hair today…gone tomorrow” for articles on balding.

So it gives us two new looks from Wella’s Trend Visions for 2007. All I can say is: HORRENDOUS!

The looks are in the photos below.

Let me explain the one on the left. According to the article, it says:

“Sensual intrigue aims at perfection then flips from inky black to plum to dusty blue”

Ummmmm…mock chunder…full on vomit coming on…

Plum? Since when did GQ think that we are actually fairies flying around with little wands sprinkling fairy dust on people? I won’t even go into the other style.

All I will say is that if you do currently own that hairstyle, please keep away from me. And how long does it take to get that hair right in the morning?

But as we all know, GQ are a funny bunch of people, and they were clearly having us on here. They know they are influential, and they were probably waiting drunk at some spot in the Waterfront waiting to see if any fools had actually taken their advice. It’s fashion magazines way of having fun.

GQ, I like it guys. But please tell me you were having a laugh there?

I think I know you were.

And thanks for the pen, I’m going to use it to write my memoirs very soon.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

It would seem that a long time ago I said that I would try out the new NANDO’S Mediterranean flavour, which looked rather good. Anyway, in the time that has gone by, I have tried the Nando’s Mediterranean flavour in the form of a Mediterranean quarter chicken, and in the form of the Nando’s Mediterranean flavour spicy chicken and rice.

To be honest, it’s not really to my liking. The flavour is quite vague, but on top of that it tastes too much like tomatoe, which I don’t really think suits chicken that much. I was expecting a more garlic, herb and tomatoe flavour but all I tasted was tomatoe. I’m sure some people enjoy it, but I would rather go with the Nando’s peri-peri, because that is some good stuff!

And finally, we have our first contribution to this website from the co-anchor! Amazing, she managed to help me out on this topic by uttering three words. This is what the sweet child had to utter on the new Nando’s flavour:

“It’s too tomatoe-ey”

Take a moment.

“IT’S TOO TOMATOE-EY”

Are you as shocked as I am? Because I’m positively shattered! Shattered that she actually managed to move away from the comfort of PASTI’S IN CONSTANTIA(Why am I shouting? To make you click the link!) to help me out. Obviously I paid for the Nandos as well, but let’s pretend for a moment that she paid for it.

Luckily for you, the readers, I have a photo of the co-anchor at hand, to show you what she does with her hours and hours of leisure time. Let’s have a look shall we? I think we shall.

Oh look, relaxing again are we?

So that’s it. She likes to look extremely pretty in expensive dresses, with expensive bottles of alcohol while eating sushi on the side and socialising in what “spare time” she has left. You know, “spare time”, meaning the time she is not dining on the finest, most intricately crafted food available, throwing things into one of the twenty handbags and whiling away time on the golf estate.

Like, you know, don’t worry about me. I’m cool. I will just write everything. Ok no it’s fine don’t go to the exhibition on Thursday to help me cover it for the website, I will go alone. Really, I LOVE doing things by myself, nothing makes me happier. I like going to events by myself because I really like socialising by myself. I also love the look on peoples faces when I arrive all by myself. All the invites say I should bring a partner, so I bring my cellphone for company. I love to play with thoughts in my own head at these events. I love to construct little stories in my head while other people enjoy themselves amongst company.

It’s not to say that I don’t speak to other people, because I do. I try my best and I make people laugh, but after all the laughs I give people at events, they inevitably and up going back to their “Crew” and leave me all alone, confused like a deer in the headlights. I try my best to make friends, but people are scared of me because I’m the guy who always arrives alone.

So just give it some thought. You don’t have to call, you can always just send an sms.

Obviously only once your right hand is free from sipping on yet another Cosmopolitan and your left hand has managed to free itself from the chopstick fest at the the sushi bar.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I completely forgot to mention the Kelvin Grove Beerfest to all of you, and I was not even supposed to attend it until a last minute invite was sent my way and I punished the VR3 hard to get there in time before some other engagements I had to attend to. The Kelvin Grove beerfest took place on Saturday, and started at 4pm.

The Beerfest was fun because I knew a lot of people there, but I personally think that Kelvin Grove would have expected a better turn out. I would have as well. To make sure that events like this run at a large profit, you need to offer free entrance and be clear on the invite as to what exactly is going on.

The invite stated that it was R150 for the Beerfest which included a spit braai, salads, freshly baked bread and desserts. It said that if you don’t want to eat, you can just pay R70 instead. Obviously Kelvin does cater to a more upmarket crowd, but to pay R70 to enter the event is still a little excessive, especially if you are already paying membership to the club, and probably spending money at the restaurants anyway during the year, thereby contributing to the club. It never stated that you could get free entrance if you were a member, so this was all a bit confusing. Apparently you had to pay after 19:00, either the R150 or R70.

What I would have done was taken away the entrance fee and rather offered the normal menu items from the pool bar restaurant, thereby not wasting anything. I’m not sure if the Beerfest ran at a profit, but I think it could have made a lot more money if it was free and then you could order food and drink as you like. Kelvin Grove also have a great sushi chef, and so people could have also had this option for food.

It would also then attract a larger female crowd if they did away with an entrance fee, because women are unlikely to want to spend R150 for a spit braai because it is highly unlikely that they will eat even close to R150 worth of food. Not even a guy would eat that much to be honest. I know the R150 goes towards setting up and so forth, but it immediately puts a lot of people off attending an event like this. Younger members at the club, who are on the increase, are also unlikely to want to pay R150 for an evening at Beerfest.

However, if entrance is free,people will arrive to check what the atmosphere is like. Upon arrival, they would see a large crowd and probably be tempted to stay on a bit and have a couple of drinks. With an event like this, the whole trick is to get people to attend it, and worry about keeping them at the event once they are there. In any case, if people have made the effort to arrive, they are unlikely to leave right away. The vibe at an event like this is what is going to keep the people there. Once they are there, they will buy drinks and food, and your R150 per person will be quickly met. Or maybe not everyone will spend R150 on drinks and food, but you will have a much larger crowd and probably pull in a bigger profit.

I think something like this has potential because everyone likes a Beerfest! Younger members love this type of thing and if the entrance fee is dropped for next year, I think it could be a huge success.

Once the crowd is larger, the vibe is better and people want to drink and eat more because they are happy. When people are happy, they spend more money. It’s a simple concept really, and one Kelvin Grove need to implement next year to make this event a huge success. I hope they make the necessary changes, and I’m looking forward to the next event like this.

P.S Luckily the promo girls were VERY naughty.

A promo girl at Kelvin Groves Pool Bar: Posing nicely for SLXS

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I remember when I was a little tyke growing up that Pick ‘n Pay had already developed into such a huge name, that I thought every time you went to the shops you were going to Pick ‘n Pay. Even if I wanted to go to the corner cafe, I would say to my mom “Let’s go to Pick ‘n Pay” I literally thought that picking something, and then paying for it, applied to any shop hence “Pick ‘n Pay”

Raymond Ackerman built it into somewhat of an empire, and I’m still shopping there all these years later. So I received a little advertising from them, and it seems that Pick ‘n Pay are tempting us with their JC Le Roux sparkling wine. So I shot down to Pick ‘n Pay yesterday(Rhymes) and bought a couple of bottles to consume after our heavy day at the beach. It’s so good once it hits your lips! Seriously, I was going to have one glass, but after the first one I just started shouting “Do me up again! It’s so good! Once it hit’s your lips!”

So I recall paying about R37 a while back for it, which is cheap. But now they have made it impossible not to shoot in and buy ten bottles because Pick ‘n Pay are currently selling it for R28,95 That’s like 29 ZAR. YES! It’s impossible not to enjoy summer now. The prices are valid until Saturday 17 November 2007, which means it’s going to be a long summer!

Pair it up with some USN Spike, and I think we are good to go. If you are a little bit depressed now, trying to finish off the year, then look what JC Le Roux and you can do(Rhymes again…genius!) Look how happy it will make you. Look at the complete look of content and hilarity on Charlie V’s face as he reaches for a bottle, while conveniently perched on the VR3. Could you ask for anything more? I didn’t think so either.

Loving life

What?

JC Le Roux Le Domaine, La Chanson and Sauvignon Blanc.

How much?

Twenty eight South African ront

Where?

Pick ‘n Pay discount and family supermarkets in the Western Cape except Camps Bay(They always pay full price on everything), Mitchells Plain, Nyanga, Pinelands, Sun Valley and Vangate. Do you know why Pinelands don’t sell it? Because they are a dry suburb, sorry for you! My article on Pinelands is coming up and might give more insight into the type of person coming out of this picture perfect leafy Cape Town suburb.

And finally…why?

Because you can!

Go get the JC le Roux before I do.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

The elite chilled on their boats while us plebbs chilled on the sand. Don’t worry, we will hit the boats soon. The girl lying down was tanning topless. Nice.

So as you know, we decided to HAMMER the beach yesterday because the weather was too good not to. Which beach? Cape Towns Clifton 4th beach of course!

It was so much fun, no crowds, no wind and some smoking hot people. And some not so smoking hot.

No offense here, but I think we all know when we have the right physique to tan topless on a beach like Clifton 4th beach. And if we don’t, it doesn’t mean we can’t go to the beach, but it just means that we can’t tan topless. There is nothing wrong with that. What you don’t realise is that there are only a handful of people who can pull off the topless look on the beach. Gisele Bundchen could be considered here. Even she doesn’t do it though!

And to actually tan topless on the beach, you need a chest that is going to blow me away. I want to be seeing something out of a textbook. I want perfect weight. Perfect shape. Perfect hang time when running through the waves. Perfect form, feel, look, shadows, angles, curves, tanning oil rubbed in strategically…everything needs to be perfect!

You also in fact need some sort of a “tan” to be able to tan topless at the beach. Everyone knows this. Why do you think you see your smoking hot neighbour tanning topless in her garden?(Obviously I’m talking in generalities here and NEVER looked at neighbours from my cousins house in Claremont when we were thirteen years old. This is a widely circulated myth and those binoculars were for “bird” watching) Your neighbour is doing it so that when she goes to the beach she can show off her exquisite breasts. Why do you think the SLXS co-anchor tans topless at home? So she can look AWESOME on the beach. It’s not that difficult people! We need to look our best on the beach this summer.

I want to go to the beach to have fun, and not be offended. And also, if you are 50 years old, tanning your hang tette, then I will be offended! I don’t want to see leather and biltong on the beach, so keep it away from me. Also, if your tits are still dragging in the ocean when you are on the shore, you know that you are not allowed to tan topless!

You also know that it is your first day on the beach when you burn the top of your feet! I always forget those odd places. Seriously though, Cape Town is smoking hot this summer, use some decent sunscreen. It is BAKING! Obviously dermatologists will recommend an SPF 30 at all times, so go with that if you will. Rather safe than sorry! You don’t want to be burnt, it’s not worth it. My feet are on fire.

So that was our day at the beach, my first day back, and it feels good! No burn(Except the top of my feet), and I’m ready for a summer of excess!

Are you with me Cape Town?

It’s go time!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Look, this won’t make you a millionaire, but I guess if you don’t want to take any risks with your money, you can put a minimum of R10000 into Absa banks Index Performer, and you are going to get better returns than you would if your money was just sitting in a saving account for instance.

There is the JSE Performer 100 and the JSE Performer 90. The former offers 100% capital protection and is taken over 18 months(12 November 2007- 12 May 2009)

The latter is taken over the same period and 10% of your capital is at risk (R1000), but obviously the returns are going to be higher.

These offers are only valid from the 1st of October until the 1st of November 2007, so if you are keen you better hurry!

I won’t go into detail here, I’m just here to nudge you in the right direction!

Click HERE for the entire shindig and all the details.

Let’s all make more money so we can be more excessive and be crazy all the time!

Woooooooo hoooooooooooo!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Right everyone, the weather is too good not to hit the beach, so that’s what we are doing. Just going to bronze myself into a gladiator, the usual summer stuff.

There is a good chance that by the end of the day, or the end of tomorrow, my write up entitled “Picking up The Shooter from the Freemasons” will be right here, on these pages. Quite exciting…tell me about it!

Anyway, it’s Thursday, tomorrow is the weekend so let’s all start slacking off and take it easy. Check in later! If I don’t get stuck at the beach.

Sean  Lloyd

Editor 

Neville. A GOD walking amongst mere MORTALS

In a rare Facebook group that had me laughing, I stumbled upon a group called “Neville works at the Cavendish movies” It’s the most hilarious thing I have seen in a while!

The story is that this Neville guy is one of those die hard guys who takes his job SO seriously. Like the world will end if he does not put 100% effort into doing his job. Which is kind of cool I suppose, that the guy digs his job so much. I think a lot of us could learn a thing or two from Neville. Neville stamps his authority in the movies by always having his torch on him, and he will kick you out if you misbehave!

Cavendish is in Claremont in Cape Town, and after seeing this group I actually recognised Neville. It seems the man is a legend there now, with a Facebook group consisting of a staggering 754 members! That is bordering on crazy, that one ticket guy at a movie theatre has such a following.

This is one of these weird things about the internet these days, that people gain a sort of cult following, even though they are just average people. You know…like me. I’m joking, keep cool my babies.

On the groups page there are only two photos of Neville and it is my plea to you, the readers, to get more photos of Neville so we can all get a clearer picture of the man. Then join the Neville group, and post the photos there and let’s see if we can make Neville a true icon. Not that he isn’t already.

From what I have read in the group, people have heard that Neville’s right hand screws off, he has no knee caps and he might have a glass eye. Amazing! The man is a machine. Come to think of it I have never personally seen Neville eat or drink. Must be house rules. Or the fact that liquids might short circuit a robot.

Also, if you read the groups wall, you will see that someone has left a message saying that Neville shops at the Spar near this person, and he rides a motorbike and wears a leather jacket. Hardcore!

His name is spreading so quickly and with such excitement that it’s only a matter of time before Neville takes over Helen Zille as the mayor! Or…imagine this…Neville for Thabo Mbekis(Funny, my spell checker changes “Mbeki” to “Uzbekistan”, no jokes!) post! Good Lord, imagine Neville taking over Jake Whites post? The possibilities are endless!

Join the group, and then when Neville is president you can claim bragging rights. Or imagine he captains the Springboks to another World Cup victory, wouldn’t you feel stupid for not supporting him then?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Buy the best

In addition to the thing I have for hair products(No jokes), I now also have a thing for incense. No, this is not the female co-anchor speaking, it is still the male editor. I know this is odd, but my current addiction(I’m over my drug addiction of the ’80′s) seems to be to incense. Once again “Incense” and not “Incest” which is easily confused.

I always buy my incense at The Curry Pot in Rondebosch/ Kenilworth/whatever you will, because it gives me the whole feeling of a place that sells incense. And while I’m there I usually pick a couple of fresh spices from their vast selection of spices. Casa del Sandenbergh in Hout Bay also burn the Spiritual Guide so it must be good. They buy it at some place at the Rondebosch Shopping Centre in Cape Town, and I’m sure this stuff will be available at anyone who sells only the best incense. Ask for it by name. Burn it. Enjoy it.
But I don’t mess around buying one pack, I buy the whole box and often two boxes. You get six “Packs” of twenty sticks in a box. Currently I’m burning about twenty sticks a day, which can be considered an addiction.

My desk is always surrounded by smoke and it has a zen like feel when you walk in to the brainstorming area of my life, which is my huge wooden desk.

I have tried other types of incense, but a lot of them smell too much like chick’s perfume. I don’t know what Spiritual Guide smells like, but it’s so damn good. I don’t want my work space to smell like Pot Pourri and so stick with what I know which is Spiritual Guide.

It’s really good and it picks me up and calms me down. This in addition to the tea I drink makes sure that I am calm at all times, getting me ready for the insanity of life which strikes at any time. It readies me for a life of complete and utter debaucherous 24 hour a day party boy excess.

Right now as I type I am literally surrounded by smoke, I’m breathing it in deeply, oooooh it’s nice! Nice sexy times! Don’t worry about me I don’t have a problem. Yes I burn incense. Yes I drink weird tea. Yes I drink by myself sometimes. Yes this past Fridays post(“I’m hungover”) was a little weird but I can assure you that I am a functioning member of society…most of the time.

Anyway just letting you know that if you are stuck in a manky office, and your co-worker is sweating his/her tit’s off, then go buy some Spiritual Guide and burn the life out of it. Don’t even try anything else, you don’t want it smelling like some sort holistic freak farm.

Go with your Spiritual Guide.

It’s working for me.

Can you feel it?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I just thought I would mention this to all you old drinkers out there. It’s nearly time for the FNB Whisky Live Festival 2007! YES! I won’t lie I don’t really drink whisky, but I plan to attend the event. I’m probably buying the drivers ticket so I don’t get to drink the booze. But maybe at the last minute I will change my mind and find another driver and smash it up with the Entourage.

I still remember last year, I was chilling at home minding my own business when I got the drunkest call in the world.

“Whishkeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy Live Feshtival come pick ush up”

They were so drunk it was a joke! I don’t think they could actually taste the flavours of the whisky, they were just downing the stuff like water. Mind you I have never been able to taste the intricate flavours of whisky. Can you really taste vanilla and peat in whisky? I think a lot of it is just drunk whisky tasters talk! You can’t possibly distinguish between ten different flavours in one drink can you?

I can see how they find these flavours, these old drunkard whisky tasters.

Drink one: Mother of God, this stuff is hideous! Tastes like gasoline!

Drink two: Ahhhhhhhhh it’s burning! Give me the milk I’m on fire!

Drink three: It stings my nostrils! Call the doctor I’m bleeding!

Drink four: It’s not so bad. More tingly than burning.

Drink five: Hey! Waitress! You come over here! You are in need of much punishment.

Drink six: Silence

Drink seven: (Looks in mirror) Damn, I look good! Going to go home and punish the wife tonight! Ooooh I’m dead sexy, look at my sexy body. Touch me naughty girl.

Drink seven: (Writes down the flavours) -Thinking in his head- This is terrible, it tastes like a burnt out clutch mixed with brake fluid. Wait I can’t say that, I’m being paid to say good stuff. Writes some notes- Oh delicious, like a refreshing river stream. Notes of patchouli, a hint of salty air and the tiniest whisper of a freshly cut vanilla pod. Oooooooh what’s that? Is that the faintest flair of pomegranate? I think it is!

Drink 8: The wife is going to be pissed at me tonight. I wonder is KFC is still open?

Drink 9: Night cap for the road. The wife is going to kill. Breath mints? Check. Game face? Check. Sober to drive? Better call the wife. Gripes.

Details of the festival:

The FNB Whisky Live Festival 2007 is taking place in Cape Town from the 31st 0f October until the 2nd of November. It starts at 18h00 and ends at 22h00 each night at the Cape Town International Convention Centre(CTICC)

For all the little details regarding who will be there, prices and booking and so on and so forth, click HERE for the FNB Whisky Live Festival 2007 website.

Be there. Or be sober.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I think this World Cup got off to a great start, with SLXS telling you to put money on the Springboks winning when the betting was at 7-1. Then we go on to win, and everyone loves me for making them some good money! This World Cup was like a dream and South Africa were the only team who were fully confident in themselves from the beginning. From the coach to the captain and the team, these guys were in this World Cup for real.

People have doubted Jake White and John Smit before, people said our team was too confident of winning and overseas people slated Percy for his hairstyle. So what if he has highlights in his hair, it won us the World Cup didn’t it? Percy nearly single handedly scored all the points in the final, with a convincing kick coming from Francois Steyn as well, who seemingly has the world at his feet. Percy was lucky I was not near him. Or anyone from the team as a matter of fact. I wanted to cry on their shoulders, they made 2007 my dream year.

I should also mention Danie Rossouw’s tackle. Classic, denying them the try! That is what I’m talking about.

Poor Francois Steyn. Twenty years old, a World Cup win and from what I have heard, a R1 million bonus for the win for the team members, which means he has achieved what most strive their whole lives for. I’m not jealous. Well not TOO jealous anyway! It’s awesome though what he has achieved.

The week of the World Cup I could be seen hitting up the Milk Thistle tablets to give my liver a good refurbishing before the punishment a World Cup win produces. Try saying Milk Thistle with a lisp. Milk Sissel. Or Milk Thithel? Tough one. Go for the Solgar Milk Thistle. Available at health stores all around Cape Town. One tablet, three times a day worked for me. Ok I might have smashed a couple more when I got home that night because the bottle is now empty. I can’t remember how many I took.

The week leading up to the World Cup was also madness with a lot of South Africans putting the Springbok badge as their Facebook profile photo as a show of support. Rugby jerseys were also seen on the people in the streets and on the day of the World Cup, I saw countless people with flags flying out their windows. Never before have I seen a nation so united by a game! It was something to experience, and I’m proud to be a part of it.
The big day started off for Charlie V and me(Rhymes) at my place, where we had a little sparkling wine toast in preparation for victory(I would call it champagne but we are not drinking the French one. I mean, we were not with Team Moet. We drank some South African sparklers) After smashing the bottle in literally 25 minutes I was feeling at quite good speed. We then caught a ride through to town where we met up at The ‘Hood. Neighbourhood. We arrived looking very casual. Dapper, but casual. After the usual meet and greet, we were into our spots on the balcony in not time, just soaking up the atmosphere and the drinks.

Luckily for us Mike had put his body on the line and taken some seats at about 5pm on the balcony, so we could all sit easy and watch the game. Not that I actually took a seat during the game, I was too busy standing and shouting and losing my mind. Mike literally did take one for the team, as he was worse for wear by the end of the game. My Chinese counterparts from Dude Wheres My Car would say something along the lines of “He was pretty lapsakdooi last night”

You know that tune they play in the World Cup, I don’t know how to write it, but they play it in the stadium and then the crowd erupts? Well Charlie V managed to get the same response by playing that tune on his trumpet, at Neighbourhood! No jokes, he took his trumpet to the World Cup final. That is excessive! The chicks were going berserk over it, and I still remember one guy coming up to him and saying “The birds are loving that. Carry on playing that and you WILL come right tonight!” After mentioning this here on SLXS, I can already see what is going to be happening. Everywhere I go guys are going to be playing trumpets. Sorry boys, you missed the boat. It’s been done already. Try something else. Like your natural charm.

I try my natural charm all the time and it never works which is why I keep a bottle of Vodka nearby at all times, in case I need a pick me up. I also try my natural looks from time to time but as you can see, that has not worked either. And then the only time girls are going crazy around me is because one of my best mates is playing a trumpet and they are screaming for him. Will I ever get a break?

To be honest it is the only time I have seen girls panties( Red lace) nearly falling off over such a “nerdy” thing. I remember at school I used to laugh at the trumpet playing guys. If only I knew how much attention and action you would receive, I would have made my parents send me to band camp. While those kids were at band camp, I was out partying at Springboks and Billy the Bums in Claremont trying to come right. Now look who’s laughing…and it’s not me. I’m crying.

After the win, the streets of Cape Town went absolutely off the hook. Long Street in Cape Town came to a standstill as cars stopped in the road and people started dancing and waving flags and laughing and just enjoying the fact that South Africa are the business. I was just reading over at SARugby.com that we are not only World Champions but also the number 1 ranked team in the world. In addition South Africa were awarded the IRB team of the year, Jake White was awarded the IRB coach of the year and Bryan Habana was awarded the IRB player of the year. I love it! I never doubted the boys this year, and those 15 guys truly did have the power of a nation.

Here are some of the pictures from the big day. The massive day. Huge in fact. Life altering. When you go to Neighbourhood, try out the curly fries, but more importantly I had the nachos on Saturday night. I don’t know what to say. I really don’t. Other than I want to just say that I want more of them inside me.

Oh and I should also mention in passing, that Neighbourhood happen to have waitresses who are EXTREMELY easy on the eye. I couldn’t believe it. No one could. No one can! We shall leave it at that. Take it. Or leave it. It’s up to you. Take a look. Have a visit. Ok that’s enough.

UPDATE: Our win managed to absolutely break the English. Even Jonny Wilkinson, who never drinks, got a bit phuza faced. Go Jonny! Check it HERE

Some of the girls were also keen for a blow on the trumpet. What?

Who is that in the white top looking backwards?

Celebrating another World Cup win in Long Street

Long Street was off the hook after the game with fans crowding the street

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I see Cape Town as one big playground, and for a good part of the year I run around Cape Town being crazy, doing stupid things and acting the fool. There are moments of seriousness where I speak to powerful people, but that’s just part of what I need to do. It’s a given.

Anyway, after noticing that the temperatures are rising rapidly in Cape Town, I think it’s only a good idea that we all cool off. And in summer there is nothing better than to smash it up on boats and yachts. There is nothing something satisfying about docking off of Clifton and jumping into the ice cold water, then getting out and singing the high notes like the Gibb brothers from the Bee Gees. I call it the “Nutcracker note” Quite graphic.

I recall spending Charlie V’s birthday last year on some sort of boat, and it was spectacular. From the photo you might see this.

I underestimated Charlie V’s sneakiness

Quite an odd photo I won’t lie, but it’s part of our continuous party boy lifestyle that allows us to do these things and get away with them. On that particular day a few of the girlfriends were on board, but we locked them away for a while so we could have some boys time together. Oh and did we make use of that time. I was just chilling drinking a beer when Charlie V sneaked up on me from behind. Strange behaviour but is was good times. We sparked up a braai on the back of the boat and laughed at the people who were stupid enough to be swimming. However, ten minutes later we were swimming and it’s not fun. Clifton is deathly cold, and I’m more prone to spending my time at the braai with a drink while watching the girls rub coconut oil on themselves. You know…I’m interested in the moisturising properties of coconut oil and the way it interacts with the users skin when exposed to UV rays. You don’t believe me do you? Don’t worry, neither do I.

I just can’t wait to hit the boats again, it’s the most fun you can have with your clothes on. I mean…not to say our clothes did not come off…cough…umm…err…ok that’s enough for today.

Tomorrow we will speak again!

Peace, love and respect and don’t go too hard on yourselves, it’s only Monday. You have a whole week to do stuff your boss wants you to do. And if you don’t finish it this week…there is always next week.If he says “You’re fired”, then tell him Sean says that he is fired.

BOOM shakalaka!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Before I start this I need to tell you a little about what happened on Friday afternoon. I woke up early, sent my various power e-mails to heads of state and then sat back waiting for my empire to grow. Waiting around tends to get tedious though and Alain from Casa del Sandenbergh invited me over for “a drink” at about 11am. We all know that a Friday drink at this time will end in me naked running down a main road in Hout Bay. Fortunately for you, me and the residents of Hout Bay, I kept my clothes on. I sat back admiring the view, which is not a terrible one I won’t lie and got started on hydrating myself as it was a scorching Friday.

Before long I was chilling on the lawn with a Savanna in hand and just digging my own vibe.(What? You say Savanna is a girls drink? I will drink whatever I like when the mood, and the occasion strikes) Those early drinks ended with me making a sneaky exit at about 4pm when I decided to cut my losses because things were going to get pear shaped. Which they did indeed when Kieran and Simon arrived. That was how I “spent” Friday.

The view of Hout Bay from Casa del Sandenbergh. Not a terrible one. 

At some point during the weekend I got an sms from Carey(She is on BMP’s team) asking me if I was keen to go to the Ritz hotel in Sea Point for some or other Johnnie Walker party. I found the whole situation quite odd, you know, a friends girlfriend inviting me to a hotel in the evening. I said to her that I would sms back because I was not sure if I had any other plans and would need to consult the SLXS Entourage to see if they had planned anything else for me.

Anyway I sms’d Mike to see what he was doing, not telling him that Carey had invited me to the Ritz. He said he was going to the Ritz for some Johnnie Walker party and I should have received an invite from Carey. That’s when I told him that I had forgot about the invite, but I would indeed be going and I apologised for forgetting. Seriously, I was worried for a moment there that Carey was inviting me by myself.

So we rolled into the Ritz in the Mini, which is quite sick, nice one Carey darling. Now we are just waiting for Carey to go away for a weekend with family and then myself and Mike are going to take it for an advanced driving course. That car honestly handles on rails from what I have heard, and from what I will soon experience.

We arrived at the Ritz and were told by some foxy minx that we should park downstairs(Ha ha…You bet), which we promptly did. Now it’s not often that I get scared in Cape Town as I know everything. EVERYTHING. Except a few things which are not that important. And I usually have BMP close at hand to fend off random fans. But going into the Ritz parking I was scared. As in “I’m about to be chopped into a million pieces and fed to a pack of wolves” type scared. Scared like a scary movie scared.

The parking downstairs has an air of mystery and death to it, and the ceiling is only 1.8m tall. At times my head would have hit the pipes on the ceiling had I not crouched over into a foetal type position. The whole place just screamed freaky to me. There were cars parked under there that looked like they had not been moved in forever. Dust had been caked onto them and there were cars I had never even seen before because they were so old. Ducking and diving(And dodging and dipping naturally) we made it into the open, happy to have our lives intact. We then took the lift to the 21st floor where we were to be spending the evening.

The whole atmosphere in the Ritz is a little bit weird and I constantly thought I was on some sort of sleazy movie set. It felt so surreal in there, from the freaky parking garage to the old school decorating at the top floor with the red curtains and red lights. I’m sure this was for the Johnnie Walker red theme, but it felt sleazy. I think the photo below captures the strip joint vibe perfectly:

The sleaze factor was high

Anyway there was free food and booze which was nice, except when I bit into a staple in one of the pieces of food. At first I thought I had chipped a tooth and was chewing on it, until I bizarrely pulled a staple out my mouth. Are they trying to kill me? I think they are. So the top floor of the Ritz actually rotates which is quite a novel concept. I think it does one full rotation every 90 minutes which is quite cool.

We abused the food and basically just chilled by ourselves the whole night just eating and drinking. Well someone has to do it don’t they?

BMP and myself could actually not take the turning anymore and went down to the bar where the floor does not turn. Immediately I felt a bit better but I was still spinning somewhat. Clearly we had been completely abusing our free drinks privileges. Which we do from time to time.

The top of the Ritz is the restaurant and I suppose it’s quite cool to have dinner there and spin around, but the Ritz could do with a bit of a revamp to make it look modern and less like a place where the next thriller movie is going to be set.

The view from the Ritz towards Lions Head. 

Looking towards Green Point Stadium from the 21st floor of the Ritz

I must be honest the views are spectacular and I could have dinner there with no problems while looking over Cape Town and spinning(From the floor and the drink) I will ask them to hold the side order of staples though.

So where is it?

Click HERE for what you need to know on the Ritz in Sea Point Cape Town.

Oh and afterwards we went for a beer at Neighbourhood…It feels like I have to go there all the time now because it’s so much fun. And so we watched the Springboks win the World Cup there on Saturday night. Pictures from the debauchery to follow.

Sean Lloyd

Editor