Diversifying at the rugby

For those of you accustomed to my style, you will realise that I don’t always focus on the story that other people do. I focus on the other parts of journalism…the parts not seen to the average observer. As you might well know, we are not “average” So that is why, in true SLXS fashion, I have virtually nothing to say about the rugby! But somewhere in the next few lines of writing, you will find something you enjoy.
You might all wonder what exactly goes on here at SLXS. It’s a well kept secret, but I am a writer, an explorer, a story teller and a comedian. You might wonder why it is only men that are featured on the site and why SLXS are so stuck in the old days, where only men were allowed to report the news(Like Ron Burgundy)

In order to diversify the site, I decided to recruit a new member to help out at an historically mens only game. Rugby. And so it came to be that the SLXS news team, from Cape Town, were seen with a new co-anchor, in the form of Brittany. Welcome Brittany!

Welcome co-anchor. ‘Ello darling!

Applause

Crying

People throwing their underwear

Shouting and screaming

Old men passing out

Pleats in the pants

Anyway, as you would have read earlier, Rondebosch were not the favourites to win. They have not played well of late but for some reason they set on the after burners on Saturday and I was surprised when I put my drink down to look at the score board and realised we were winning! We were literally tearing the game apart but I was preoccupied with other things and can’t exactly go into the details of the game because I was not offering my full attention to the game. What I can say though is that our planning on the day was stellar!

Charlie V had arrived early and blocked off a road leading into the schools metalwork room so no one else could get in. I had to chauffeur our co-anchor to the game and so could not be there on time. Jerry D was also running a bit late and so Charlie V took one for the team and secured our parking. All we needed to do when we got there was call Charlie V, tell him to pull his car forward, and we could fit another two cars in. Brilliant! The call was made, the cars were in, and SLXS were in business. As always.

I took a meander in my new diversified disguise. It was quite weird because I was walking through the school,thinking that people would want to touch me and praise me for my writing talent. But it seems that they were more interested in our co-anchor. Pleasant. So I took a back seat and enjoyed the day for what it was. A mix of drinks. Jerry D was back to top form after hitting a bit of a slump of late. When last did you hear of him? Other than being mentioned in The Bomber article? Welcome Back Jerry D. Hitting top form, as you can see in the photo below:

Spilling a rum and coke on his T-shirt, and a bit of 5 o’ clock shadow. Jerry D is back! And all that is man.

Please also notice the cup that Jerry D paid R7 for from the Milo man. The most expensive cup of the day. Jerry D literally does live the dream. Bachelor pad in Stellenbosch, flat screen the size of a swimming pool, near all the dirty parties, he pilots the Bomber(Now with Garmin GPS…I think we need a review Jerold), plays X-Box all day and in between…well in between….I’m not sure what he gets up to. I literally do not know what he is thinking or doing but I do find it strange when I am working on articles and interviews(To come in the near future) that he will call me on a Monday morning for a beer at The Waterfront. Luckily my schedule allows this, and so we normally do it. When I get onto the subject of work I just hear Jerry D mumbling in a Spanish sounding language before changing the subject. It’s clear Jerry D is not into any legal businesses. Only underground stuff.

The only news that I have on the game is that Rondebosch played like crazy men. I was actually expecting them to get cleaned, and they not only held up, but they gave the Bishops guys a very good run. It’s a pity they lost it in literally the last 4 minutes of the game with a final score of 27-24. The photo below is the only one I took of the game as we hunted down the Cape Town dream in dramatic style at Rondebosch. It was excess at the highest level, but I survived so that I could tell the story.

The Bosch boys forming a tunnel

I have never seen the Rondebosch crowd going so crazy for their team! They brought out the big guns on Saturday and the support was amazing. Everyone was going mental on the sidelines when we realised that the boys were about to take the win. But such is life that Bishops won it and congratulations to them for that. But it was so close! It really was an awesome game, one of the better performances I have seen from Rondebosch.

They need to play like that every game, I have never seen them like that. And judging by the comments made about the game, the Rondebosch supporters have never been prouder, even coming off with a loss.

Bishops, well done, and we will see you again next year, I hope it’s as much fun. As well as I think Bosch played…the results still say Bishops won and a congratulations goes out to them. As unlucky as Rondebosch were to lose the game in the dying minutes, it also takes the midas touch to score in the final minutes from Bishops after being dominated the whole game.

Back to the other parts of the day. As I say, I usually shy away from the mass hysteria and follow other stories happening around the story that I am covering. And so I found myself going into the bathrooms, where I stumbled upon this:

“And this coach, is how babies are made!”

Just a tub of Muscle Science Xplode performance booster chilling in the change rooms. No big deal really. I’m sure it’s available at all good pharmacies. But then on closer inspection, notice the white residue around the tub. Like someone has literally put their face into the bucket, and taken the whole tub up their nose. Interesting way of delivering the supplement into your muscles.

So it was away from the changing rooms again when I heard lots of screaming. I thought Mike had downed the last of his bottle of rum and was now in an alcoholic daze of sorts. It turns out Rondebosch had scored, and so I ran away from the change rooms for no reason. I was keen to see what else was lying around. Badger milk perhaps?

The game ended in much excitement and for me this was a cue to head to the pavilion to have a beverage. Which was quite a pleasant experience.

The SLXS co-anchor, Brittany was…where was she? She is so sneaky, I never know what she’s thinking. Did she write anything for this article? Where is she now? I’m clueless.

After the debauchery ended there, we headed to an old friend, Forresters Arms for a beer. By this point most people were not speaking English at all. I was making out some morse code coming in, and I was sure I saw some smoke signals as well. But no English whatsoever.

We then headed back to the SLXS playroom to catch up on some….I don’t know what I’m talking about. We had a little lie down, and then it was off to Wadda in Claremont.

Wadda had a weird vibe as I saw people who were so drunk they literally did not know what planet Earth was. The upstairs section was closed, which made for quite a sweaty downstairs section. We met up with Mike, kicked it for a drink and then we were home again. The day was too long to be able to make a big party that night!

As you can imagine, we have been coming off a rough winter and some of our dams are overflowing. This means that we have not been seeing much sun. And we underestimated having a little bit of rum in the sun.

Some classic quotes came from the day, after the headaches hit home hard:

“It feels like there is a little man with a jackhammer behind my eye, and he is pounding the back of my eyeball and that spot where your medulla oblongata sits”

“It feels like my brain is going to explode into little biscuits”

“I want to go to Italy now so I can break plates”

Classic stuff!

You forget how hard we work to get you these pictures and commentary. I was at the rugby from about 10:30am, and only left at about 3pm. Then it was all work from there as we sent it into the evening until about 1am or so. Work on a Saturday? Unheard of in the world. But I do it. I love it.

As you can see, I managed to avoid going into the details of the game here, but I still kept you reading. Such is my power with words.

I’m like…like… I have absolutely no idea.

WAIT!

There is more!

You might think that this is the worst rugby write up ever as I was not really concentrating on the game. Luckily for me, I managed to get hold of the Bishops videographers report on the game which I received from Jason M of Bishops. I will edit this into a little piece for the people who really want to know about the game.Do I continue to amaze you?

I think I do!

It might take me some time to edit as I’m trying to get my head around things such as “Knock on”, “penalty”, “phase plays” and “kick down field”

I will write you soon.

Sean Lloyd

Editor