What You Might Have Learnt At Sexpo Cape Town

If you went to Sexpo Cape Town, you would have learnt a few things. I you didn’t go, we went for you! Here is Sexpo, summed up:

You will want to stare at Jesse Jane. And think of all the crazy things she’s done. She is very intriguing!

Your sex is tame. There was a stand there, and there were guys and girls basically wearing dog collars. There was even a guy there wearing chunky boots, with long hair and lots of leather, and he would spank you with a leather thing. While your head and hands are locked in some sort of brace device. There are people having crazy wild sex out there…and you will stare at them, wondering what sort of stuff they get up to in the bedroom.

You would learn what not to say. If a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend called to you ‘ Have a look at this!’, don’t say ‘I’m coming now’ Some people will avoid you, and others will fall to their knees…

People get loose. Probably the wrong word to use, but people get loose on stage. Normal, everyday people will show their tits. And shlongs. I saw too much man pieces for my liking. But it was hilarious how crazy people get once their clothes are off!

You will want to be a woman. There were an INSANE amount of vibrators there. Like, some serious pleasure equipment. Vibrators with beads inside that rotate and twist and swirl. Heads that bend. Remote controlled stuff. You just want to be a woman so you can try all that stuff…and see what it feels like!

Old people have sex (I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE IT) There was a lady, and her husband, in their fifties, eying out the most insane vibrator I have ever seen. Don’t think about this when you visit your folks for a chilled Sunday lunch. Don’t EVER wonder why they are so chilled. It’s probably not because of the weather.

Food and juice never seem the same at a Sex Expo. You just feel like that fresh guava juice tastes different…or has something in it. Mayo too…

Your penis has life easy. Ask Pricasso.

Probably not a good idea to go if you’re single. You’re going to want to shag something afterwards. Better bake that apple pie!

Shaving/waxing is the way to go. I think Sexpo shows you that Bush is definitely out of power. Thumbs up for that!

The videos are interesting. In particular, the sex instruction/training videos. You’ll be so into it, then snap out of it and realize a crowd of 30 people are watching with you. You’re all watching someone get finger banged. And everyone is chilled about it.

You see, you CAN learn something new every day!